just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
