Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
