I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
