Where did you get a picture of my penis
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
