I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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