can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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