well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
