I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
