Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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