Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
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