One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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