Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
