I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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