I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Randomize
