Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
