remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
