i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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