i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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