saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize