so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
In other news, I just burned my penis
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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