just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
