apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
