turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
