Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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