i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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