I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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