my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
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I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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