Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
