Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
