Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
