I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
