So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
