Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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