alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
