this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
