whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
