glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
