Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
There's always time for handjobs
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
