So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
