Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
