Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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