that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
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