So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
