just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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