I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
It's never too late to be topless.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Randomize
