the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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