We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
