They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
