just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
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We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
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i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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