Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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