it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
They should really pass out barf bags in church
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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