Duck Duck Cougar?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
My vagina is officially offended.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
