I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Terrible idea I love it
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
