I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
