Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
