ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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