I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
