My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
