no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
