It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
