Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
So much Jack, so little girl.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
