Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
