i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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