just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
