We tried having a conversation with our noses.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
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I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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