Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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