You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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