so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
