You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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