i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
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When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
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She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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