I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize