My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
