the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
