the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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