You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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