they need to just BURY HIM!
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
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I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You are a booty call, not a friend.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
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That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You're a waste of cheezeits
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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