Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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