I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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