a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
