When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
