So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
